{Thornedwings}{An alternate Universe}

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an alternate universe

Updates
New layouts(w/o code) posted
erased some old entries.. posted newones..
this is basically my hidden blog only countable people know:D

Chronicles

March 2nd "of memories and deception..."

how can you hide to a person your feeling for so long you even forgot you have it for that person. Surreal, i tell you it is VERY surreal, one day i realized that this feeling was long gone and to be forgotten. But why does such circumstances needs to happen? if your 15, you like someone, and never tell, how will you believe that it would come back, how would you accept it? how can you let it sink in? and when it does would you tell even if your 100% sure it could never happen, it could never ever, ever come to be? then you would think why does it have to come back? why does things have to happen again? For a reason or just a deception of the heart? a trick of the mind? I have so many questions and I can only answer a few(maybe 2 or 3). and I have so much more to come. I hoped about one year ago that it would become mutual, it never did, so why does it have to happen again, I'll hope again and i'll fail myself again, I'll be disappointed, I'll cry again, and eventually forget about it.. right? it follows a certain cycle. And I don't know how to make this feeling go away, I want to win this battle,, but I can't do it alone someone must be on the opposite side and help me cross the warzone, and the posibilities that it would be that person..if I'll make a probability test..it'll be too long, and even a calculator can't solve it. but can this happen? there was a quote i read it states that "it's so hard to love someone secretly, you'll just get hurt secretly, but wouldn't it be more painful if you'll forget that person secretly, if your the person his secretly loving?" So it came to me that he might be feeling the same way but right that moment it came it me.. HELL NO!! of course not!! it's impossible, it's even impossible beyond impossible, and you might think i'm over reacting about it. But can't you feel something that it's not the moment you think of it? I felt that way the very moment I thought of it. It's very hard and very sad to like someone and in return they only know you by the name, looked from far away from the very first time you've met the person? how could that possibly be? If your like me that's possible in tagalog we call it TORPE.. I don't know if there's a direct english translation but I do know that it means the inability to tell your true feelings about someone, straight forward. So it makes everything really difficult to handle, even impossible. but there's one thing I'm definitely sure IWANT to totally forget about this feeling for that person NOW it's all about memories and the deception of looking at him as if you don't feel a thing..

February 27th "black hole..."

I've been having this feeling again,, it feels so bad, no one seems to notice, all but me, these walls, and the computer, and maybe you since your reading this already. The past weeks months has been quite happy for me but is it all wrong because today i feel so bad, so sad. As if there's a black whole inside me sucking me in quickly. it feels so bad, so heavy, so hard to explain.. is it of loneliness,, but i'm not lonely.. i have all the people i need, i absolutely have no idea how or why i feel this way.. can you help me please?!

December 4th "tears: it's an ecstasy..."

tears. some people find so much great pleasure in them in different ways. One in seeing someone cries somehow satisfies them.. that is some how strangely awkward for me. And the other is releasing emotions. Actually tears has been proven as a sign of good health, tears are somehow stress relievers. They make the pain of sadness ease down, the pain of laughing too much disappear. But pain is one way to say why there are so many people crying and crying each day... to satisfy them, to gratify them of the longing feeling... of that extremely big hole in their hearts... that they cannot fill on their own.. and as everything get's bigger the crying stays longer until it becomes your ecstasy. Yes tears are indeed one of the only free things left in this material world. Then tears are the only one ecstasy that everyone of different kind, of different nations use even if only it's once in their life. Recently I have been hooked to this great addiction. It's tiring having to exist in this world everyday. I fed up with it. Somehow it's a miracle everyday on how much I try to survive each day of my life. It's a balancing act I know, but then somehow if you try to balance it everyday, one day it will eventually get of balance since you are too exhausted from the other time your trying to keep it in place. I have no sleep, I don't have half of my life... but I have a life, it's just hard that it seems that it was a lot different back then. Now I would cram after I write this, to keep up with my schedule. After 3 quizzes, reviewing, studying, practicing... I barely have time to chat and sit around anymore.. only those 20 minutes I have waiting for my school bus to arrive so I can go home and carry on with my task. And each night I have insomia so my 6 hours rest will turn into 5 then to 4 then to 3 until I find my self awake at 5:30 am really tired of my day before and tired already of the day ahead. So it became a habit for me to use tears as my sleeping pill. To cry all my hard stress of that day that night during my insomia. It's a difficult life.. i'll get through it somehow... I hope

December 4th "tears: it's an ecstasy..."

DECEMBER 1ST:All wrong

I guess it was all wrong. My feelings for him. it started vanishing. Little by little. Was it all in my head. Maybe. I have no idea. But I'm much happier this way. In this condition, it makes me happier that it's all vanishing. Maybe this is for my own good. I like it the way it is now.. so please stay that way

NOVEMBER 29TH:Scared

I had to type in this blog. this is more confidential then my multiply blog(please visit btw it's ameg.multiply.com). Any ways I had to type here because of uncertainty. Maybe because i'm to scared. I'm too much of a coward. I just realized this. Just now. And my hand started trembling. This is something so confidential that it has to remain here the blog which no one visits even rarely. It's scary this feeling i have. Am I not supposed to be scared. This feeling shouldn't affect me in the negative side. right? But it does. Everything just seems so wrong. So bad. So scary. So sad so annoying. So misplaced. This feeling for that person. Why am i scared? This is supposed to make me happy. but this is a one-sided feeling. This is bad because it only exist in a single side. Is this because I want it to co-exist too, to that person. But it's impossible. We don't even talk. I only spy to that person's blog. Nothing really has change, even if I kept on doing that. So I have to stop doing that right? However it seems so unfair that this is going by to me. I don't think this is something bad or good. But what I'm going through is unfair. I'm slowly having hints that in his world, I'm just a me're creature that person passes through everyday. But it may not be that way. It might just be like this... That, that person may know me but that person isn't sure if I know that person back, making it awkward to say hi and even worse if that person realizes that I have no idea who that person is. And i feel the same way too. I'm scared to get myself embarassed especially infront of that person. Scared I am?? of course I am, wouldn't anyone be? infact it's front of the person you like... I hate it. Especially this feeling this is bad enough that I have this. This is wrong cause I know I'll end up sad again. Crying a night out again. And hiding it all again, burying it... until no one ever finds out again, and it's my forgotten history... but I'm tired of that pattern going on and on again. So like what my blog said 'sandalan.. asan ka na.. pagod na ko..dadating ka pa ba'

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[pst

Meg

Layouts
there are new layout but unrfortunately.. no i mean naturally it has no code yet :P
Angel

Not yet coded
Lain

Not yet coded

Tag

Qoutes

^{Check this stuff out!!!
Quotes

my quotes goes here.. maybe someday you'll buy a bookmark with them on it.. nyahahha lakas ng trip ko! asteeg,,, well abog... enjoy!
>A simple glimpse of you made my day...but when I tried to steal a second glimpse... our eyes met and it became... so special
>
You pass right through me today... and you did it twice again... but what hurts the most is that you don't know that I exist when to me your the only one that does
still thinking of some :D lol

I can't wait of that day when i dreamed i picked a coin and woke up in my palms.. I can't wait of that day when my dream of you becomes to a reality when i see you beside me... and find out it was real...awww

People
the people i hang out with!
II-1
Jenny
Gama
Chibugan Buddies
Caryl

Pat
joy
marienne
dk
kyle,
riza,
abog
jo,
carmz
emo
pampyImages
here are some images me and my friends
the chinugan buddies!

two wan!!!

most memorable PALIHAN ever!
Stuffs

give some hugs

Free Hit Counters}

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